Mummy Ki Yaad Aa Rahee Hain

Engineering course can be highly demanding; churning violently even the sharpest of the brains. The focus always is on becoming a better problem solver; a thinker and having the right acumen for applying the acquired knowledge in the architectural paradigm. Even Ranchod Das Shyamal Das Chanchad (alias Phunsukh Wangdoo of 3idiots) said:
"Run after Excellence; not after Success; once you excel, success will come barefoot, running after you.

Curtain Opens: Control Systems Lab under the tin roof in the old campus (which is now declared as a protected monument by the Archaeological Survey of India); with Professor Mr Jha. Mr Jha was 5ft tall; thin and lean with a specs hanging over his nose. He was a very strict person; with zero tolerance for any errors whatsoever. Despite his small figure Mr Jha commanded a lot of respect being a subject matter expert. A perfect example of 'Looks are deceptive'

One day he pledged to teach the most notorious group (E3 group) in our class a lesson. He gave us a problem to be solved in 30 minutes. I am sure, even if Albert Einstein or Nikolai Tesla was given this problem, they wouldn’t solve it even in their 7 births; bonus - nightmares throughout their entire 7 births.

So there we were, 10 most notorious guys of the class in the lab, trying to scratch our heads, to solve the problem. Most of us were flipping pens, looking around at the lab equipment as if they were some peculiar objects from space and almost all of us were cursing our parents for pushing us into engineering. There was pin drop silence and the clock was ticking like an F1 car. None of us were making any headway in resolving the problem. It was going to be the end of the allotted time; and the frustration was soaring with every passing minute. Suddenly 'Pankaj Sharma' from the last bench blurted out in distress: 'Mummy Ki Yaad Aa Rahee Hain'.
It was so appropriate at that point of time that the whole class burst our laughing. The despair and  frustration had given way to satirical joke; and the tension eased out. Needless to say we all failed the test, but we never failed our teachers and soared to heights that we didn't even dream of, at that point of time.

Se7en Vachnas

1. Together we will share prosperity & livelihood
2. Together we will develop mental, physical & spiritual strength
3. Together we will perform rituals & practice vows
4. Together we will fill our hearts with joy, peace & happiness
5. Together we will raise strong & virtuous children
6. Together we will cherish all seasons with happiness
7. Together we will remain faithful & lifelong partners

Discourteous She, Vindictive Me

Somewhere in the middle of the Bangalore-Pune highway the Volvo bus broke down; 1.4 crore worth beast wouldn't even lurch an inch forward ‘what a waste’!! The driver began his tear down & reengineering process to troubleshoot the problem. We were stranded in No Man's Land. There is this girl standing next to me, wearing a UNESCO logo T-Shirt (United Nations Educational, Scientific and Cultural Organization)

Me : Hi, Do you work for the United Nations?
She : Ohhh No, its a friend who works for the UN, & she gave me this T-Shirt
Me: So, what do you do?
She : I am a Software Rookie!
Me : Not intriguing at all, me too. Its boring working in the IT; doing the same copy paste...

She raised her brow, looking skeptically at me; maybe because of my satirical little talk. She acknowledged what I said & stood there for a flash second. Soon she started walking without a notice, to the tea stall across the road. She didn't even have the courtesy to ask me.
It was embarrassing, but I thought maybe her mental condition isn't sound !!

The engine problem was fixed & she took a seat adjacent to mine. But me hurt from her earlier act of discourtesy; plugged my earphones & deprived her of all conversation; that could have started (predictive vindictive scorpion-me). She killed the urge in me to talk to her.
At times she would look at me on the verge of starting a conversation; but I had lost all interest by then.

Teachings of Judaism

1. Life is a loan given to man. Death is a lender that recovers this loan anytime, any day along with interest.
2. Charity never makes a man poor but is fruitful if given earnestly. Charity donator should immediately forget it; but receiver should always remember it.
3. A duty conscious person in this world deserves salvation in the other world.
4. Everybody shall bear fruit of deeds in the Judgment Day.
5. Man’s rights are divine. A king can’t override these rights.
6. Charm & spell are worthless & end on attainment of true knowledge.
7. God is the creator of Universe & the mankind. We all are his children.
8. Tears of repentance wash all sins. Never repeat a misdeed after repentance.
9. Faith in God relieves all the sufferings.
10. Man is the only Hero who befriends an enemy.
11. Heart is the Best Preacher, Time is the Best Teacher. World is the Best Book & God the Best Friend.
12. Always remain away from bad conduct. In the start it is a cobweb, but later assumes the form of a rope.
13. Those who show mercy on fellow men are showered upon by mercy from God.

Computer is not a magic

This is a piece I wrote in 1996, while in 10th Standard & recently found it in my stockpile of books. I never knew that one day I will become a Computer Engineer; that I am today. Life comes full circle, full of surprises, shocks, laughs & madness!!

Computer is not a magic, it’s a device
Its brain in size is smaller than the mice
But even then correct, timely & wise
Works untiringly from sunset to sunrise
Never telling us any lies
You can check it all by your eyes

It is really worth Silver & Gold
So intelligent, seems not even a day old
Solves problems in ways manifold
Gives answers that are accurate
We have also been told
Withstands both heat & cold

Looks like a king sealed on the table
To tell us the most mysterious fable
HCL, IBM, HP is the label
And at the back has a black cable
Its monitor is very sable
& its language being totally nable

In front has a keyboard
That looks like a section of road
Ball in mouse is like a toad
As if it were sitting in its Ford
Keyboard makes it carry large input load
& for all purposes understands single code (1 or 0)

Wah Khoon Kaho Kis Matlab Ka

Wah Khoon Kaho Kis Matlab Ka,
Jisme Ubaal Ka Naam Nahi,
Wah Khoon Kaho Kis Matlab Ka,
Aa Sake Dessh Ke Kaam Nahi,

Wah Khoon Kaho Kis Matlab Ka,
Jisme Jeevan Na Ravani Hai,
Jo Par-Vash Hokar Bahta Hai,
Wah Khoon Nahi Hai Paani Hai,

Us Din Logon Ne Sahi Sahi,
Khoon Ki Keemat Pahchani Thi,
Jis Din Subhash Ne Barma Me,
Mangi Unse Kurbaani Thi,

Bole Swatantrta Ki Khatir,
Balidan Tumhe Karna Hoga,
Tum Bahoot Jee Chuke Ho Jag Me,
Lekin, Aage Marna Hoga,

Aazazdi Ke Charno Me Jo,
Jaimal Chadai Jayegi,
Wah Suno Tumhaare Sheeshon Ke,
Phoolon Se Gunthi Jayegi,

Aazadi Ka Sangraam Kahin,
Paise Par Khela Jaata Hai,
Yah Sheesh Katane Ka Souda,
Nange Sir Jhela Jata Hai,

Aazadi Ka Itihaas Kahin,
Kaali Syahi Likh Paati Hai,
Isko Likhne Ke Liye,
Khoon Ki Nadi Bahai Jaati Hai,

Yah Kahte Kahte Wakta Ki,
Aankhin Me Lahoo Utar Aaya,
Mukh Rakt-Varn Ho Damak Utha,
Chamki Unki Raktim Kaya,

Aajanu Baahu Unchi Karke,
We Bole “Rakt Mujhe Dena”
Iske Badle Me Bharat Ki,
Aazadi Tum Mujhse Lena,

Ho Gai Sabha Me Uthal Puthal,
Seene Me Dil Na Samate The,
Swar Inklaab Ke, Naaron Ke,
Koson Tak Chaye Jaate The,

Hum Denge-Denge Khoon,
Shabd Bas Yahi Sunai Dete The,
Ran Me Jaane Ko Yuvak Khade,
Taiyaar Dikhai Dete The,

Bole Subhash Aise Nahi,
Baaton Se Matlab Sarta Hai,
Lo Yah Kagaz, Hai Koun Yahan,
Aakar Hastakshar Karta Hai,

Isko Bharne Wale Jan Ko,
Sarvasv-Samarpan Karna Hai,
Apna Tan-Man-Dhan-Jan-Jeevan,
Mata Ko Arpan Karna Hai,

Par Yah Sadharan Patr Nahi,
Azadi Ka Parvana Hai,
Is-Par Tumko Apne Tan Ka,
Kuch Ujjaval Rakt Girana Hai,

Wah Aage Aaye, Jiske Tan Me,
Bharteey Khoon Bahta Ho,
Wah Aage Aaye Jo Apne Ko,
Hindustaani Kahta Ho,

Wah Aage Aaye Jo Is Par,
Khooni Hastakshar Deta Ho,
Mai Kafan Badhata Hun, Aaye,
Jo Isko Hanskar Leta Ho,

Sari Janata Hunkaar Uthi,
“Hum Aate Hai, Hum Aate Hain,
Mata Ke Charno Me Yah Lo,
Hum Apna Rakt Chadate Hain,

Sahas Se Badhe Yuvak Us Din,
Dekha Badhte Hi Aate The,
Chaaku, Churi, Katariyon Se,
We Apna Rakt Girate The,

Fir Usi Rakt Syaahi Me,
Ve Apni Kalam Dubaate The,
Aazadi Ke Parvaane Par,
Hastakshar Karte Jaate The,

Us Din Taaron Ne Dekha,
Hindustaani Itihaas Naya,
Jab Likha Maha Ranveeron Ne,
Khoon Se Apna Itihaas Naya.

Understanding Women

There are some equations that can never be balanced; they always remain in a state of imbalance. One such equation is the one that exists between men & women. The male herd typically high on ego, need for power, sex and aggression. Women on the other hand crave for love, caring, consideration; & these urges are more powerful than any other urge in them. Being settled and leading a comfortable life is also on their priority list.

What Women want?
It is a question that many a love gurus & pundits have tried / failed to answer. Women want love, care & consideration, money, good looks (though still a matter of debate because women deny this), and a trustworthy partner. They are not driven by their urge for sex, but that of being wanted, to love and be loved. Metropolitan women are smart, manipulative and calculative when it comes to choosing their life partner. They keep many options open, dating many male friends during the same time and taking their pick from within this herd. They may have many flings. They are involved in innumerable one sided affairs that become so serious that the self proclaimed boyfriend has to be admitted to the hospital because he slits his wrist, showcasing his craziness for the girl. But he doesn’t showcases his love this way; he proves that he is a loser.

Women do have the 6th sense, with which they sniff their Mr. Right from amongst a crowd of zillions. They may go to great heights to find their Mr. right, and if they begin to believe that there is no such thing s Mr. right, they will eye the guy that they met on their journey of finding Mr. right, and get hooked to that guy. Doesn’t matter is they had dumped this same guy in the past for reasons galore. You have a bad body odor, you have a foul smelling mouth, you are not my type, you don't give me space, you don't understand me etc etc.

A women’s solution to a broken heart or a sour relationship is to move on to another man. Another man’s handkerchief & strong shoulder aid in fixing their broken heart as fast as the Fevicol. This man comes as a cupid & saves their day & cushion from getting wet because of tears. If women have a broken heart, they will take all the blame on themselves, thinking that something is seriously wrong with her; which caused the relationship & commitment to fail. If they have had a sour relationship they would still have the hope that they can turn back the clock & get their man back in their life. They still believe in miracles happening & fairy tales. They believe in the magic wand & the fairies that will come & resolve all their problems with the wave of the wand. Women do get crazy & berserk while on this rebound from their old relationship. Nobody has ever understood a Women's broken heart & nobody has ever been able to contemplate the time it will take to heal their broken heart. Ironically, they always want the men, who don't want them, & not want the men who want them.

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend, and a successful woman is one who can find such a man. For a woman choosing the right guy/prospective husband, is like a big achievement tantamount to that of achieving Nobel Prize. Majority of women want to marry a guy who is rich, but they forget to think that do they really match up to the expectations of that rich man. That’s why rich men also have trouble finding a suitable wife, as they rarely meet prospective girls, in their circles who are up to their standards.

Disclaimer:
This is not a male chauvinistic post.
All characters in this post are imaginary and have no resemblance to any person living or dead.

Reflection

No Deflection from my own Reflection

Cobalt and Umber and Ultramarine

Cobalt and Umber and Ultramarine
Ivory, Black and Emerald Green
What shall I paint to give pleasure to you
"Paint for me something, utterly new"

I have painted you Tigers in Crimson and White
"The Colors were good, and you painted them alright
Now paint me a Country where nobody goes
and Paint me the people whom nobody knows"

Courtesy: (Poem in the 5th Standard Textbook, which I still remember faintly)

Breaking the Padma Spell

Padma was the most desired thing for me during my prime. I used to shout atop Mountains, crevasses, cliffs her sacred name, like a verse "Padma, Padma". She would reiterate by shouting back her name "Padma, Padma", which would eventually fade out. People told me that it was the echo. But, I knew that it wasn't an echo, it was my beloved calling back to me making me feel her omnipresence.
During rainy days & snowy nights; I missed her in my blanket so bad. I was lonely without her. I loved Padma, she was the Girl in my dreams. I searched for her in every nook & corner of the world, but couldn't find her. She died being the girl of my dreams.
Now since I am 60 I am at all liberty to confess my seduction towards Padma. Today I am going to open the Pandora's Box (Padma's Closet) & reveal all the secrets related to Padma. Padma a cold blooded homo-sapien, a commoner as you & me. She is no royalty; she is as blood & flesh as you & me. Padma term was coined by me for the ilk of all typical Southie girls in Bangalore.

Features:
1. Hair: Smeared with oil; neatly tied; & a Gajra clinging onto it
2. Skin: Dark skinned; no white = no black - bloody confusing brown
3. Face: High on features; nil makeup; traces of talcum powder - or maybe even Atta
4. Eyes: Traces of Kajal; even darker than the Dark knight (oopsy night)
5. Neck: Gold Jewellery covering it; A pendant pendant swaying from one side to another
6. Below Neck: Arrggghhhh Forget about it (Flatron TV's)
7. Typical Figure: 30-28-40 (Breast Waist Hips) - Her figure may give Kim Kadarshian a run for her money - All thanks to the Chawal chawal & more chawal
8. Legs: Skinny akin P.T. Usha's Legs
9. Feet: Let’s not talk about it; Even Krack Cream couldn't fill the crevasses
10. Clothes: Saree; Skirt & Blouse with a Chunni
11. Favorite Colors: Orange with Golden Borden; Brown with Golden Borden; VIBGYOR with Golden Borden; Anything with Golden Borden would do
12. Favorite Dish: Rice with Rasam & Sambar
13. Boyfriends: Nil till date

Characteristics:
1. Strengths: Her Charisma; Dusky Beauty; Rusty Makeup
2. Weaknesses: Craving for Rice; Fairness Creams; Fragrant Oil
3. Motto followed: Simple Living & Highly Freaking
4. Hangs out at: Gardens - (Discs; malls; pubs; etc are a total no no)

Similarities with Ugly Betty:
1. Smelly Body
2. Hairy arm pits
3. Un-waxed hands & legs
4. Her wicked smile
5. Lice infested hair

Fantasies:
1. Wants to see ice (not-rice) once in her life
2. Raise 2-4 kids

Photo Courtesy:
http://tusharanchan.blogspot.com/2010/08/south-indian-girl.html

Marriage & Change Management

1. Fun:
Earlier I used to freak out with friends; now it’s behaving nicely & in a sophisticated way with the wife.
Gone are the days when I was one nasty wolf, now it’s a Chihuahua going around, making no noise.

2. Yearning:
There was always a yearning in the mornings to hold someone tight in the bed, & this yearning has now become a reality.

3. Overcoming my vices:
My vices were never known to me before, more so because everyone used to think high of me; marriage made me mindful of my vices & I am working on to overcome my vices.

4. Carelessness & Negligence:
These are the things of the past. She's a perfectionist & the margin of error in doing things should be 1 part per million

5. Mitochondria Dysfunctioning:
Energy Levels have dropped considerably. Jog of 8kms a year back is now restricted to only 2kms; heavy panting & sweating an add on feature.

6. Kindness & Soft spokeness:
With my friends at times I was mean, but niceties & courtesies have become like the main course of life. Some of my friends even told me "there has been a considerable & commendable change in me post my nuptial"

7. Anger Management:
My worst nightmare is me angry to the core, but I am learning to let go of trivia, & managing my anger & impatience. Practice makes perfect.

8. Sacrifices:
I haven't done any so far. She is the one who has left her family, house, friends, job so as to be with me, for a lifetime & 7 others to come.

9. Compassion Vs Compatibility:
I always was of the view that it is the "Compassion" that keeps a relation ticking; but now I am sure that it is the Compatibility Quotient & Understanding that keeps the relationship ticking.

10. PDA (Public Display of Affection):
Holding Hands in the Park, on the road & where not; Bear Hugs while driving __Censored__ (else I will be censured)

11. Humor Dosage:
She's got a whacky sense of humor that can instill life in anything. It also helps keeps my heart healthy & sets a curve on my otherwise silly face.

12. Indulgence:
Breakfast served & fed - hot & crispy; Evening Tea hotter than she herself is;
Dinner cooked perfectly minus spices & oil, plus retained taste & aroma.
Savours my taste buds everytime

13. De-Stressing:
I am de-stressed at almost all times. Even if I am annoyed with something; I resolve the issue there & then itself, so as not to conflagrate it.Keeps the relation healthy & prevents it from rottening.

14. Freedom Bygone:
Freedom is far bygone. I have to seek permission to go to parties, take consent before doing anything substantial, even if that involves buying groceries. I have to be home on time. I guess freedom is the only thing that has been bartered for other attributes, comforts & conveniences.

15. Living not for yourself, but for others:
Dad once said, "If you live for yourself, what did you live, live for others". Adopting that to make others lively & lift their spirits.

16. Making the two ends meet:
Building our own warm, cozy nest speck by speck.

17. Running home to:
Earlier I didn't have anyone to run home to, but now I can't wait to wind up for the day & go back home to her warm embrace.

18. Soaring Temperatures & Settling Heat:
She has made every effort honestly to settle down with my ilk. She has accepted people the way they are, & in a short span of time. There was riff & raff in the beginning but the dust settled soon. Thank God for giving me such a good life partner.

19. Changing Interests:
Pop & Jazz has given way to Jagjit Singh's Ghazals. Chai waalah's chai has given way to CCD's & Barista's now. Chaprii shopping has given way to shopping at the Malls.

20. No Money No Honey:
Picked up this line from our Tour Guide in Thailand. Credit Card Bills have shot up exponentially, not just to buy honey but butter, bread & jam too. Having a little variety in life is very luscious.